Get back here with my body!
by richtofenking95
Summary: oh dear what happens when a teleportation go's a little wrong and leaves our four lovable zombie killing soldiers receiving a rather comical shock! (rated T for language)
1. perkAcolas, Teleporters & PackAPunch

**Authors note: Hey everyone. I'm still new to writing and so I'm not sure how much you guys will like this story :p this first chapter doesn't explain much about the title but it sets things for a whole lot more fun to come **** please enjoy and review (as I said I'm new to this so please be nice, constructive criticism is always welcome)**

**Btw I DON'T own call of duty or any of the characters. **

**Chapter 1: Perk-a-colas, Teleporters and pack-a-punch machines. **

''Damn freakbags!'' a certain favourite marine shouted as he shot into a large group of the undead, which had surrounded him, with his **HK21**.

''Hahahahaha Dempsey is surrounded JOY!'' an insane cackle came for the Nazi German Dr ''I hope you die American.''

''Fuck you Richtofen!'' Dempsey shouted as he blew more Zombie brains on the wall.

''Dempsey I'll help you out da?'' a vodka smelling Russian slurred as he lazily aimed his **FN FAL **towards the mob, who were around the American marine, getting rather surprisingly accurate headshots for a drunk.

''Nein Nikolai, you take avay all ze fun.'' Richtofen pouted as the Russian helped out Dempsey.

''It is surprising that drunk Russian can aim so well.'' said the group's Japanese warrior, eyebrows rising in shock.

''Nobody cares about what you have to say Takeo, so piss off!'' Nikolai shouted as he and Dempsey cleared away the last of the Zombies that were shambling around.

''Well that takes Care of the last of those bastards.'' Dempsey said kicking a body out of his way.

The four Zombie slaying soldiers walked out into the seating area of Kino Der Toten and had a look at their surroundings. They had arrived at Kino two days ago via teleportation from Der Riese and found themselves in an old ruined and rotten theatre. Not only had they gone to a new location but they also found themselves in a new time. Shortly after they had turned the power on before a swarm of Zombies had charged them and surrounded Dempsey (which is where we picked up on them).

They looked round at the rotting walls and the decaying chairs. ''The film must have been shit'' said Nikolai ''Stiffs everywhere.''

''Hey guys look what I found.'' Dempsey said as he strode over to a red vending machine that read 'Juggernog'.

''Out of my vay Dempsey,'' Richtofen barged pass the marine ''Doctors go first!'' Richtofen reach toward the machine and out came a red bottle. He took the cap off and downed the drink in two seconds flat. ''Yes, she sounds like a sveet little specimen.'' Richtofen said as he felt stronger, his eye then caught a large drape over something big. He waltzed his way towards it as the other three scrambled around the perk-a-cola machine.

''_Reach for vodka toooniiight._'' Nikolai sang as he threw the perk bottle away.

''Ahh, this water is pure delight.'' Takeo said with a hint of a smile

''Reach for me Jugger-girl oorah.'' Dempsey said lazily then he look over to where Richtofen was examining a large device which he had uncovered ''YO sauerkraut what ya found?'' he called over. Richtofen looked up in annoyance at the American soldier and said ''If you must know Dempsey it is another teleporter, I'm surprised zat you don't remember them from Der Riese, although with zat stupid brain of yours it really isn't surprising''.

''Can you make it work Edward?'' Takeo asked Richtofen (addressing him by his first name).

''Ja, give me a moment'' Richtofen replied straightening his hat and then pressing a button on the teleporter. It made a beeping noise; Richtofen then stood up and made his way down towards the lobby, when he got there he went over to the teleporter pad, which they had landed on when they arrived from Der Riese, and pressed a small red button on the rim. A wave of electricity ran through the large wire that leads back to the teleporter.

''Zhis vay'' Richtofen said as he ran back towards the teleporter. They all stepped inside the large machine ''Hold on to your stomachs UND YOUR SHPLEENS!'' Richtofen said madly as he pressed a large button and teleporting them instantly.

They landed and Takeo doubled over holding a hand over his mouth. ''Damn, Richtofen can't you do anything about that Sick feeling'' Dempsey said holding on to his stomach and looking a little green before suddenly realising what was right next to him ''OORAH, fuck yeah pack-a-punch!'' he shouted before slinging his **HK21** into the grinding gears of the awesome machine and upgrading it to **H115 Oscillator**, he also put in his **M16** and upgraded it to **The** **Skullcrusher**.

Richtofen went next and upgraded his **MP40 **to the **Afterburner **and also his **Crossbow **to the **Awful Lawton**.

Takeo put in his **AK-74U **and it became an **AK-74FU2 **and also upgraded his **L96A1 **to the **L115 Isolator**.

Finally Nikolai pack-a-punched his **FN FAL **to the **EPC WN **and he also put his **Colt M1911 **pistol in and it became the **Mustang and Sally**. ''He he Nikolai is well armed'' he said taking his new pistols out of the machine.

''Ja, vell now zat ve are all upgraded I think it is-…'' Richtofen began before being cut off suddenly as without warning they were all teleported again.


	2. Samantha you little brat

**Authors note: I thought I would put chapter 2 on for you guys so that the title would make sense :p **

**Chapter 2: Samantha you little brat**

Dempsey re-materialized from the teleportation and face-planted the ground ''Ow'' he said sitting up as he clutched his forehead. He then realised that he was wearing a hat. He took it off and saw that it was the hat that belonged to the person he hated the most ''the fuck, why am I wearing Richtofen's hat?'' he questioned before seeing that he was wearing the thick black gloves that the German also wore.

His eyes quickly widened in horror, and he dashed towards a mirror, which was located in some weird bedroom which had a monkey bomb on the bed and a miniature of Der Riese, and he gave a cry of shock, hatred and horror at who was staring back at him ''Richtofen!'' Dempsey bellowed as he realised that he was in the Nazi German's body.

The floor disappeared from beneath his feet as he teleported again hearing a little girls mocking laughter.

* * *

Nikolai opened his eyes and immediately realised that his eyesight was clear and he was thinking coherent thoughts. ''Hmm must be going sober, guess it's time for more vodka'' he mused before reaching for the bag on his back, which held his precious drink, but it wasn't there. Panicking he franticly searched for his bag '_must get a drink, need vodka quick before it's too late' _he thought worriedly whilst searching under a dentist chair.

He quickly stopped however when his had hit something on his waist. Looking down he saw that it was a katana, in fact it was _the _katana that Takeo had with him at all times. Nikolai drew the blade from its sheath and looked at it, he then looked closer to see Takeo looking back at him though the reflection of the sword ''Argh'' he cried dropping the blade and then looking at his hands, which where not his own bloodied gloved hands.

He picked up the katana and put it back into its scabbard, and then he picked up a small mirror from the table next to the chair. Looking in the mirror, and seeing that it was Takeo's face looking right back at him, he thought and said to himself ''Aww fuck, your in Takeo's body Nikolai.''

He then felt himself being teleported again and hearing the demon child's laughing at him ''Fuck you bitch!' he shouted before disappearing.

* * *

Takeo landed on his feet after teleporting from the Pack-a-punch, and doubled over and threw up ''why is teleportation always so uncomfortable'' he said holding his stomach, and subsequently belching loudly. His hand quickly covered his mouth ''that was not very honourable'' he said lowering his hand ''only drunk Russian can belch with such dishonour'' he continued chuckling to himself.

He looked round the room he was in. it appeared to be some sort of a conference room, it had a projector at one end that wasn't playing anything on the blank screen, the room even had a small rocket on the table.

The Takeo saw that the room was slightly blurry and that he couldn't judge the distance of items round the room very well, walking into a table which he thought was further away. He sat down in a chair and realised that there was a burning sensation in his throat and a foal tasting aftertaste, and his breath '_ergh, only the drunk has bad smelling breath like this_' he thought and then he opened his mouth in shock as he looked at his refection in the glass on the doors.

''This is impossible'' he said looking down at what he was wearing ''I cannot be in that dishonourable, putrid, awful, stinky, bad smelling, vodka loving, fat, foolish, Russian Nikolai's body!'' he ranted on ''oh the dishonour'' he said shakily.

The a little girls laughter filled the air and he began to teleport ''oh no not this again'' he said before disappearing.

* * *

''Argh'' Richtofen shouted as he landed with a thud on the floor. Getting up, and rubbing his backside, he looked around the room and saw that A) it was all red B) it was completely destroyed and C) there were teddy bears EVERYWHERE! '_Oh joy' _Richtofen thought to himself '_I'm in Samantha's destroyed room' _rolling his eyes he looked round the room to see if there was anyway out. Seeing that there wasn't one he stopped and thought about what he should do and why the teleporter had taken him here. The he listened…absolute silence, nothing, no voices in his head.

''Hello?'' he asked expecting to here the voices in his head start tormenting him again, but nothing. ''eerie'' he said to himself and he began to pace the room wondering what had made the voices go away. He sighed and has he did so he felt he heavy torso rise and fall. He then thought to himself '_vait mine torso isn't zhis big und bulky' _he looked down and saw that he wasn't wearing his Wehrmacht jacket but instead dark green t-shirt under a marine's jacket ''Vait, zhis is Dempsey's uniform'' he said thinking hard and eyes widening as it clicked ''oh nein'' he ran to the cracked mirror and let out a high pitched shriek as he saw the HE Dr Edward Richtofen was in Tank Dempsey's body.

''Nein nein nein, zhis in not possible how can I be in zat stupid American's body'' he said looking in horror at his hands ''ooooh Samantha you little brat, do you really think zat ve are your play things'' looking up at the ceiling and cursing in German at the child who just loves to toy with them.

He then looked down as the world began to disappear around him ''I'm going to find you brat and ven I do you be sorry for zhis!'' he shouted as he began to teleport again.


	3. Don't damage that body

**Author's note: hey guys, I'm glad to see that this story has over 100 views and growing. I hope you all like it. Please PM me or review to tell me what you think I would love to know **** anyway here's chapter 3 (guarantee a few laughs in this :p) **

**Chapter 3 Don't damage that body.**

The four of them reappeared at the teleporter pad in the lobby. They all took one look at each other and screamed. Dempsey (in Richtofen's body) looked from one face to the next and said ''alright so which one of you bitches is in my body?''

Richtofen (in Dempsey's body) coughed and laughed nervously whilst shuffling his feet. Dempsey spotted it and sent a gloved fist flying into his body's face sending Richtofen to the floor ''ya know I've always wanted to see what it would be like to punch myself in the face'' Dempsey said coolly ''and I've also wanted to punch Richtofen in the face so in a sense I killed two birds with one fist''

Richtofen sat up rubbing his new body's bruised cheek ''you know Dempsey zat vill come back to bite you on ze butt ven ve switch back.''

Dempsey shrugged and said ''meh I'm used to it''

Richtofen stood up and looked at the three men standing in front of him (one of which was his own body) ''so who's who?'' he said cheerfully

''Vodka'' Nikolai ordered from Takeo's body, Takeo (in Nikolai's body) faceplanted and said ''my honourable body has been infected by Nikki's dishonourableness''.

''well you already know I'm in your body Richtofen'' said Dempsey glaring at the German doctor in his body

Richtofen rubbed his temples thinking hard and said ''So Dempsey's in my body und I'm in his und Nikolai is in Takeo's body und vice versa?''

''Yes'' his three comrades said in unison. Richtofen then said ''something must have gone wrong with ze teleportation und caused us to switch bodies, that und Samantha is playing games with us again''

''So how do we sort it?'' Dempsey asked. ''Vell ve have too-…'' Richtofen began before they heard the screams of the undead ripping boards down. ''Richtofen would you mind so much as to give me my guns back'' Dempsey said throwing the pack-a-punched **MP40 **and **Crossbow **to the Nazi Dr. Richtofen gave the marine the weapons he had and picked up his favourite weapons and said ''ah how I have missed ze two veapons'' before letting rip into a hoard of the undead and laughing like a lunatic. Takeo and Nikolai also swapped weapons, Nikolai also made a bid for the bag of vodka on Takeo's back but the Japanese soldier wouldn't have it ''you will not taint my body with that honourless drink you filthy Russian'' he said moving away from Nikolai who was shouting Russian curses at him.

Richtofen said ''Follow me, zhis vay'' and he sprinted towards the alleyway. Dempsey saw Richtofen running off and shouted ''hey get back here with my body!'' and sprinted after the German, leaving Nikolai and Takeo to fight the zombies that were spawning in the lobby.

Richtofen pelted it through the alleyway, and up into the back room, blasting zombies out of the way as he went. But just before he was about to run down the stairs to the stage he skidded to a stop hearing a feint electrical pulse.

He moved to investigate and he found, on a shelf near some letters scattered all over the floor, a small glowing rock with veins of orange running through it. His eyes widened as he stretched out grab it. When he made contact with it the pulsing stopped.

Dempsey came running through and saw his rival looking at a strange rock. He walked over, casually shooting a zombie's head off, and asked ''what ya found doc?''

''It appears to be a piece of 115, like zat meteor ve found in Shi No Numa'' Richtofen said ''und before you ask I have nein idea vhat it is for'' he added sharply as Dempsey opened his mouth.

''Alright touchy, no need to get your knickers in a twist'' Dempsey said. ''you know Dempsey I'm pretty sure your body has knickers zat I could twist'' Richtofen said coolly smirking at the angry face his body was giving him. ''I'll twist your knickers-…'' Dempsey began before being cut off by the screams of the large amount of zombies that had surrounded them. ''Shit, we're surrounded'' Dempsey said opening fire on the crowd of zombies that were pushing into the confined space ''zhis is your entire fault American, if you hadn't of held us up zhen ve vouldn't be in zhis situation'' Richtofen said as he began shooting the zombies who were coming from the windows.

''Fuck you Richtofen, it's your fault we're all in this mess, fighting zombies, in the first place'' Dempsey shouted back at the Nazi ''so do you have any bright ideas or what!?'' he continued. ''I'm thinking, I'm thinking'' Richtofen said hurriedly ''but know zhis Dempsey if you get so much as von scratch on zat body, you vill be sorry''

Takeo saw Dempsey and Richtofen speeding towards the alleyway, and made a move to follow but was quickly intercepted by some zombies that were coming up from the seating area. Takeo backed off from the growing multitudes, firing a couple of shots as he went '_if we linger here then we are done for' _he thought as he ran over to where Nikolai was unleashing bullets in the window near Quick revive.

''Edward and Tank will have to look after themselves'' Takeo said to the drunk. Nikolai look at the samurai warrior in his drunk body and said ''what do you suggest we do?''

''We cannot follow our allies, nor head towards the stage there are too many zombies coming from there'' Takeo said as he was quick scoping the hoard that had now accumulated under the stairs ''and we cannot stay here otherwise we'll be surrounded in seconds''

Nikolai looked upstairs, and at the door that lead through the portrait room, and said ''well there's only one way to go, URAH!'' he the proceeded to sprint up the stairs and through the door, leaving Takeo to gawp in shock at the Russians speed, then realised that he was in the drunks body and Nikolai was in his. Pulling out is **AK-74FU2 **he laid into the undead and said ''get back here with my body you stupid Russian'' and ran after Nikolai, feeling a headache coming on and thinking '_When will the drunkenness end, its dishonourable.' _

Takeo ran into the room that was connected to the portrait room, and looked around but couldn't see Nikolai in his body anywhere.

he sent a frag rolling into the Zombie population behind him it stalled them for a while as one picked it up and another snatched it from him before it blew up causing them bewilderment and confusion.

''Nikolai, where are you?'' Takeo called looking around for the soviet. He then assumed that Nikolai must have gone down towards the bar, eyes widening at the thought that Nikolai was in his body at the bar he began to run, but immediately stopped when he heard a toilet flushing.

He turned round and saw that Nikolai was coming out of the bathroom zipping up his new body's trousers.

Takeo shuddered at the thought that the person he disliked the most had seen his dark place.

''What?'' Nikolai said looking at Takeo confused.

Takeo threw caution to the wind and said ''you choose now, when we are being chased after by the unholy dead, and are stuck in different bodies, and have no idea what we're doing, you choose NOW to go to the toilet?!''

Nikolai chuckled and said to the furious Japanese man ''what, I needed to go, you'll thank me for it later when you don't need to empty your bladder'' looking proud of his generosity Nikolai laughed heartily.

Takeo on the other hand was fuming and shouted ''Temae aho da, do you really think now was the best of times you dishonourable fool!''

Nikolai said ''if you need to piss then you must go piss, would you rather I just wet myself?''

Takeo gave up and began walking towards the bar, muttering Japanese curses under his voice. Nikolai caught up to him and said ''just to let you know Takeo you have very small…-''

''Shut up!'' Takeo shouted going red.

Nikolai laughed quietly and led the way down the stairs towards the bar.

**Translation: Temae aho da means you are and idiot in Japanese **


	4. Teamwork?

**Authors note: hey guys **** WOW! I'm surprised that this story has reached over 340 views. Thank you to everyone who's reading, I hope your enjoying it. **

**Please leave a review as I would love to know what you all think of it.**

**(Also if it's not to much trouble, and if you have spare time, please recommend me to anyone you can****) thanks.**

**Here's chapter 4 **

**Chapter 4 teamwork? **

Takeo and Nikolai ran down the stairs that lead into the bar, with a large amount of zombies in hot pursuit. Takeo skidded to a stop and turned round to shoot the oncoming zombies that were following them down the stairs that lead from the portrait room.

''Ha ha, take this unholy beasts'' he laughed, sending bullets through zombie brains and bodies causing blood and body parts to hit the wall behind them.

Nikolai went down a further set of stairs and began shooting his **EPC WN **in the zombies that were crowding round the window next to the **MP40**. ''Do svidaniya bitches'' he shouted as the zombies slumped dead with blood seeping out of their headless bodies. Nikolai then looked up and saw that Takeo was busy holding back the multitudes at the stairs, concentration lining his new body's face, the Nikolai slowly looked round at the bar and licked his lips, thinking about the precious vodka that lay behind it.

He slowly edged his way over to the bar, keeping an eye on Takeo and any zombies that may be making an attempt at one of the windows and firing a few shots into them to make Takeo think he was busy.

He finally reached the bar and dove behind it and began searching for a bottle of his beloved drink, looking up sheepishly every now and again just to see if Takeo was still busy or if any zombies began to amble over towards him. He looked through empty crates, and old boxes, and at last he found what he was looking for. Standing up Nikolai he up the bottle '_He he at last I've found you my darling, best drink you quick before that monkey Takeo finds out_' he thought to himself while taking the cap of the bottle. He looked at the bottle and saw that it was from 1942 ''like me you have not succumbed to the test of time my friend'' he said quietly to the bottle before lifting it to his lips.

But before the alcoholic liquid poured into his mouth the bottle shattered and the vodka went all over the floor. Nikolai looked dumfounded at the shattered remains of the bottle.

''I don't think so, you stupid alcoholic'' said Takeo's voice. Nikolai looked up and was that the Japanese warrior was pointing his **AK-74FU2 **in his direction; it was smoking at the end. Realising what had happened Nikolai looked at the broken bottle, threw it down, then furiously looked up at Takeo and shouted with all his might ''FUCK YOU!''

Takeo chuckled at the immaturity that the Russian showed. ''I told you that I was not going to allow you to defile my body with that honourless drink of yours'' he said walking down the second set of stairs looking at the fuming soviet ''if you want to drink something so much then drink that'' Takeo continued pointing towards a big green vending machine, that read 'Speed cola', he then walked over and took out a green bottle and drank its contents.

''Speed cola speeds up your life'' he said quickly.

Nikolai looked at him then stomped over to the green glowing machine and grabbed a bottle for himself ''shoot this bottle Takeo and I shoot you'' he said before taking a massive swig and belching and saying ''hmm I can see even more clearer now, it shit''

Takeo rolled his eyes, and walked through a door into the dressing room asking ''is drink all you can think of Nikolai?''

''Da'' Nikolai replied ''I do not know how you can stand not being drunk, it is great fun''

Takeo sighed ''I do not know how you can 'STAND' being drunk'' he said nearly tripping on a fallen manikin and looking incredulously at the alcoholic Cossack.

Nikolai shrugged ''as I said it great fun'' he said as they now both walked through the large metal doors that lead onto the stage ''you should try it some time'' he continued.

''I'm having a pretty good experience here'' Takeo said rubbing his temples, due to he heavy headache he had, and continued to say ''I shall be glad to be back in my honourable and untainted body, this is no fun at all''

Nikolai sighed knowing that he wasn't going to convince his boring comrade and said ''you have no fun in your life Takeo, you are as empty as this body's bladder, and I wish to kill you like fourth, fifth, and sixth wife all together but I can't because you are in my handsome body and I don't want ruin it''

Takeo was about to say something in retaliation but was cut off by the noise of gun fire and shouting, and high pitched insane laughter, coming from the door that lead up a flight of metal stairs into the back room.

''Richtofen and Dempsey!'' Takeo said. They looked at each other and then ran through a small metal door, and up some metal stairs.

''Shit, this is getting too close for comfort Richtofen!'' the heard Dempsey shouting.

Before they ran into the room Nikolai pulled the pin from a grenade and tossed it into the room.

''A thousand zombies against one Dempsey…seems a bit unfair…for YOU freakbags!'' shouted Dempsey as he unleashed a full metal barrage from his **H115 Oscillator **into the zombies that were pushing more and more into the confined space of the back room ''Richtofen I could use your help here!''

''I'm a little busy at ze moment Dempsey!'' Richtofen shouted as he fired his **Afterburner **into another large group of zombies in the window that was next to the shelf that had the meteor on it.

''well unless you can think of something quickly we're going to be zombag stew'' Dempsey said mowing down zombie after zombie.

Then CLICK!

''Fuck, need to reload'' Dempsey said panicking as he grabbed another mag and tried to quickly put it into the big LMG.

Richtofen looked over and saw that the marine was being overwhelmed ''oh Dempsey can't you do anything right'' he rolling his eyes and firing his SMG into the crowd giving Dempsey a hand.

Then CLICK!

''Nein, I need to reload too!'' Richtofen screeched

''Seriously?!'' Dempsey asked in disbelief, he then looked down quickly at the LMG in his hands, then at the zombies, and then he realised he had his **Skullcrusher **strapped on his back.

He threw the big machine gun on the floor next to the mystery box spawn and ripped the assault rifle off his back and began shooting as many zombies as he could, but soon his clip was out of ammo.

''Richtofen we need that idea NOW!'' he shouted as he fumbled for some ammo.

''I'm thinking, I'm think…'' Richtofen's eyes went wide as he remembered that he had an **Awful Lawton **on his back ''vait zhis should do ze trick'' he said as he brought the medieval looking weapon down and aimed towards the wall and shot a red bolt at it.

The red bolt imbedded itself into the wall. The zombies stopped for a moment then turned and crowded around the flashing bolt, giving Dempsey and Richtofen enough time to reload both their weapons. The bolt exploded sending zombie body parts here there and everywhere, the remaining zombies turned round towards the two soldiers and attacked.

''Richtofen repair those windows'' Dempsey ordered, as he fired his reloaded **H115 oscillator** into the undead Nazis, ''keep that crossbow out though just in case we need it'' he added

''Ja, ja American'' Richtofen said rushing over to the window and rebuilding the barriers, then he went down the small corridor to repair the other window, he turned to look at Dempsey in his body and thought how good his body looked with the **H115 oscillator**.

Richtofen the realised that zombies were beginning to rip the boards of the other window down, so he fired another bolt in to the wall and while the zombies were distracted, he ran to rebuild the other window again.

The second upgraded bolt blew up and Richtofen and Dempsey stood back to back, Dempsey shooting the oncoming crowd and Richtofen alternating shots between the two windows laughing insanely.

''Shit, need to reload again'' Dempsey said, but before he could even whip out his upgraded **M16**, or even before Richtofen could fire another bolt, a surge of zombies piled in.

Dempsey's eyes widened in shock and he, and Richtofen, were forced back ''shit, this is getting to close for comfort Richtofen!'' he shouted.

But before the Nazi German Dr could say anything a grenade flew into the small room, from the metal stairs that lead down to the stage. It rolled under the feet of the zombie hoard. Then it blew up causing zombie parts to fly across the room thinning the large amount of zombies greatly, leaving only a small group of crawlers.

Dempsey and Richtofen were stunned, but were relieved to see Takeo and Nikolai running into the room finishing off any zombies that still had their legs.

''Edward, Dempsey'' Takeo nodded towards his two allies ''are you two ok?''

Tank reloaded his guns and said ''much better now that I have some breathing space''

''good, what happened to you two?'' Nikolai asked.

''well you know Richtofen ran off, and I followed him, we both stopped here because doc over here decided to look at some rock''

Richtofen rolled his eyes ''save me from zhis imbecile'' he said ''it's not just any piece of 'rock', as I told you Dempsey, it is a piece of 115'' he then looked at all of he comrades and then said importantly ''it appears I've found a piece of ze meteor''

''well anyway'' Dempsey said ''while we were looking at the '115' those freakbags surrounded us'' he continued to explain.

''Ja ve vere surrounded, running out of ammo, you through grenade in und blow ze zombies up'' Richtofen said hurriedly ''vhat about you two?'' he asked Nikolai and Takeo.

''we tried to follow you'' Takeo explained ''but the undead blocked us off''

''So we had to find different rout'' Nikolai said ''I ran upstairs and into bathroom''

Takeo went ridged, and Dempsey and Richtofen looked puzzled.

''I needed to go to the little boys room'' Nikolai said ''did you know that Takeo's body has very small…-''

''SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!'' Takeo shouted, smacking Nikolai across the head, the other two still looked confused.

''Anyway'' Takeo continued, giving Nikolai a glare, ''after Nikolai went to the toilet we went down into the bar where the alcoholic tried, and failed to drink some vodka''

''it was your fault'' Nikolai protested.

Ignoring him Takeo said ''we both got speed cola and then went to the stage where we heard you two fighting zombies''

''we ran up the stairs'' Nikolai said ''and I threw the grenade that saved your lives'' he looked immensely proud of himself for it.

''weeeell, now that we're all back together what's the plan?'' Dempsey asked Richtofen.

''Ve go to ze teleporter'' Richtofen said and they all headed down the stairs towards the stage.


	5. Problems

**Authors note: hey guys **** thanks for the brilliant reviews, please keep them coming :p **

**Glad to see just under 600 views already.**

**Anyway here's chapter 5 ENJOY! **

**Chapter 5: Problems**

Richtofen lead the others down the metal stairs leading towards the stage, leaving the few remaining crawlers behind.

''Right now let's see vhat ze problem is'' Richtofen said, strolling towards the teleporter.

''Nikolai keep an eye out for the crawlers'' Dempsey said to the Japanese bodied Russian.

Nikolai shrugged ''Eh, I got nothing better to do than to get a drink, and I can't do that because Takeo is a killjoy with a small...-''

''NIKOLAI!'' Takeo shouted.

Nikolai flipped up the finger at his body, and then walked over to the door to keep an eye on the crawlers.

Richtofen rolled his eyes, 'vye me' he thought ''now let's see here'' he opened various hatches on the teleporter, revealing multicolored wires and odd buttons that looked important.

''Damn Richtofen'' Dempsey said looking confused at the odd wiring.

''Ja, I forget zat ve Germans are a complicated people'' Richtofen laughed, as he began to rummage around inside the machine.

The other two watched the American bodied German with confused looks on their faces.

''Uh guys, we have crawlers here'' Nikolai said backing away from the door as five legless zombies came

Through it on the stage.

''Kill four of em and keep an eye on the fifth'' Dempsey told the Russian.

''Use your knife, save your bullets'' Takeo added.

Nikolai nodded and looked down at the squirming undead ''Hey we didn't order any extras'' he said as he took out his knife and hacked at four decaying necks ''director says CUT'' he laughed.

Richtofen was humming merrily as he looked around for the problem with the teleporter.

Dempsey and Takeo watched him. Dempsey sighed and asked ''how long is this going to take?''

There was a bang from inside the teleporter, followed by a ''Argh'', and Richtofen came out from one of the hatches he had opened and was rubbing his head, he glared at the German bodied American and said ''it vould take less time if you didn't keep interrupting me Dempsey.''

The marine chuckled.

''Also, it is very difficult to move around in zhere'' Richtofen said pointing to the teleporter ''even more so being as your body is big und bulky.''

''Just get on with it Richtofen'' Dempsey said, shoving his nemesis back towards the teleporter.

Richtofen buried himself back in the hatch he was looking in, and Dempsey turned to Takeo.

''Better leave old Dicktofen to himself, you and I can go fix some windows.''

Takeo nodded ''Edward, Tank and I are going to repair some barriers for the next round'' the Russian bodied Japanese warrior shouted in the direction of the teleporter.

''Ja, Ja zat is good, zat vay you vont be in mine vay'' they heard Richtofen call from inside the machine.

The other two walked away from the deranged Nazi ''mad as a hatter'' Dempsey said.

''Indeed'' Takeo agreed as the came into the lobby. He walked over to the window next to the Olympia chalk drawing, and began to repair it.

''Ya know I hope the writer doesn't give Treyarch any ideas with this whole body switch thing'' Dempsey said walking over to the window next to quick revive.

''Tank stop breaking the fourth wall and get to work'' Takeo said, now walking up the stairs to repair the window at the top.

''Aww but Tak it's so fun'' Dempsey laughed, now walking over to the window under the stairs.

''Maybe for you American, but for the rest of us it's just odd'' Takeo said looking over the banister at the marine. Dempsey winked at him.

''I'VE GOT IT!'' They heard Richtofen shout from the stage.

They looked at each other and then ran towards the seating area.

They saw Richtofen pulling his upper half out of one of the hatches, and then look at them.

The other three men gathered round him. ''Well, what is it?'' Nikolai asked.

''Vell zhere are two main problems vith zhis teleporter'' Richtofen began explaining.

''Which are?'' Dempsey asked impatiently.

''I VAS GETTING TO ZHAT'' Richtofen shouted.

Calming down he cleared his throat ''ze first problem is that ze main molecule transportation stabilizer wire is loose'' he explained.

The others looked at him blankly, and Dempsey said ''in English that means...?''

Richtofen sighed and said ''vhat it does is that vhen ve are teleporting it prevents our molecules from flying around und going here zhere und everywhere, it stabilizes zhem so zat vhen ve land our molecules home in back on our bodies und ve carry on as normal''

The others nodded slowly to show that they kinda got what he was saying.

''So what happens when it is loose?'' Nikolai asked.

''Vell my dear Russian'' Richtofen said ''if the wire is broken, or not in at all, zhen our molecules vould be dispersed und ve vould cease to exist, however in zhis ze wire is loose, which means that our molecules are still unstable but have a slight bind on zhem, but it is weak. Our molecules were unstable und so ve were 'mashed' into each other und so vhen ve landed in those separate rooms our molecules settled in the bodies ve are now in, ve are fortunate zat ve didn't end up vith different limbs or heads'' he chuckled at this last.

''Right...so we are trapped in each others bodies because some molecule wire thing is loose?'' Dempsey asked.

''To put it bluntly'' Richtofen nodded.

''So how do we right what is wrong?'' Takeo asked.

''I need to find ze wire und pop it back into place'' Richtofen said as he began looking around the machine for the wire.

''What does it look like?'' Dempsey asked.

''A big blue und red wire, it should be located around the back of ze teleporter'' Richtofen said, and they all began looking for it.

''Edward I have found a wire of similar design'' Takeo said, and Richtofen ran over to him, he looked at the wire coming out of the machine and said ''right so now ve open zhis hatch, find the end of the wire und push it in place'' Richtofen said this as he went along.

They heard a beep and saw a light on teleporter glow green.

''Great its working now, let's switch back'' Nikolai said stepping in the machine.

''Alas Nikolai, zhere is a second problem vith ze teleporter'' Richtofen grimaced.

''Oh for fuck sake and what's that?'' Dempsey asked in annoyance.

''Ze teleporter is incomplete'' Richtofen said.

''How is that so Edward?'' Takeo asked the Nazi.

''It is lacking in ze sufficient amount of 115 to power it, by 1500 units to be precise, vhich means ve von't be able to use ze teleporter anytime soon'' the German explained.

''Oh that is just craptastic'' Dempsey cried out ''so how are we gonna get enough 115 to power the machine?'' He asked.

''Vell it just so happens zat I have a piece of 115 with me right now'' Richtofen said holding up the small meteorite, which he had found in the back room ''zhis piece here is vorth 500 units of 115'' he smiled and stepped inside the teleporter and unscrewed one of the generators in the roof of it and placed the alien rock into a container.

When he had screwed the generator back on it lit up ''Naha ze Doctor is a genius'' Richtofen laughed in triumph ''now all ve have to do is to find two more similar size pieces of 115 to power the machine and then we'll be back in our own bodies.''

''Great'' Nikolai said ''well we had better get...-SVOLOCH!'' He shouted this last as the crawler who he had forgotten about made a bite for his leg.

Nikolai aimed his gun and fire at the zombie's head before anyone could stop him.

''You are fucked dog'' he said as the Zombie lay dead.

''You fool!'' Takeo shouted as the round ending music played in the background


	6. Hellhounds and Nova zombies

**Authors note: Hi guys **** sorry it's taken me a while to update (I've been thinking of my next fic). Thank you to all my reviewers so far they have made me smile. Please keep the reviews coming :p I am super glad that this story has over 980 views :D so lets push it to over 1000 ;) anyway here's Chapter 6, ENJOY :D **

**Chapter 6: Hellhounds and Nova zombies**

''You fool!'' Takeo shouted at Nikolai.

''What? He nearly bit my leg off'' Nikolai said kicking the dead crawler away from him.

''You mean MY leg!'' Takeo said indignantly.

''In which case that makes me hero for saving your leg'' Nikolai said looking (again) impressed with his heroics.

''Vill you two both sh...-'' Richtofen began but was interrupted by a familiar fog settling around the theater ''FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!'' Samantha's voice shouted.

As it echoed around the four mismatched soldiers, a flash of lighting struck the ground and the first hellhound spawned.

''Man these things are really pissing me off'' Dempsey growled as he aim his Skullcrusher at the charging zombified dog and fired a couple of rounds into its head. The beast howled and crashed down dead.

Then another flash hit the ground and another hellhound spawned.

Then another

And another

And another

Then four more spawned.

Soon a whole pack was bearing down on them.

Dempsey, Takeo and Richtofen all took on a hellhound each, shooting upgraded bullets into the monstrous canines.

''Nice doggies, good doggies'' Nikolai said backing away from five decaying sets of jaws, shakily raising his **EPC WN** and pulling the trigger.

CLICK!

Nikolai's eyes widened in horror at the sound of his empty weapon, and even wider when he realised that he didn't have any mags on back-up.

''Ooooooooh FUCK!'' He shouted as the hellhounds leapt at him.

But before the hell beasts could take a bite out of him a loud bang was heard and all five of them collapsed to the floor dead, with a bullet through each of their brains.

Nikolai looked shocked at his saviour and saw that it was Takeo with his **L115 Isolator**.

''One bullet five heads, Takeo has still got it'' Takeo laughed, and nodded at Nikolai.

Nikolai nodded back, turned and saw another hellhound charging towards him, but before it even got close, it was blown to pieces by an explosion from Dempsey's under barrel grenade launcher.

''Hay fat ass, get your other weapon out and help out!'' The marine shouted, shooting more hellhounds as they spawned.

''Oh err right'' Nikolai said reaching for his** Mustang and Sally**, he pulled them up. He saw one of the savage dogs running up behind Richtofen about to bite into his back.

''No you don't suka!'' Nikolai shouted, and fired his upgraded pistols at the undead dog.

Two upgraded grenades came rocketing out of each pistol and flew towards their target. They found their mark and blew up upon impact. The hellhound burst into pieces, sending blood, guts and fur everywhere. Richtofen was caught off guard by the explosion, and staggered away, shell shocked, from the impact zone.

''Nein Nikolai not so close'' he coughed, dusting down the body that was not his own.

''Shit, did I just do that?'' Nikolai said looking at the two pistols in his hands.

''Nikolai, get your ass into gear, two hellhounds coming from the lobby, deal with them!'' Dempsey shouted as he fired his **H115 Oscillator** into three other zombie dogs.

Nikolai turned to see the two hellhounds, coming from the lobby, stalking their way down the auditorium, searching for flesh. Nikolai raised his grenade launching pistols and said ''fetch my grenades hell spawn.''

He pulled the triggers and two more explosives rushed towards the decaying animals and hit one on the stomach and the other on the back. Both dogs blew apart, and Nikolai whooped and said ''Ha you cannot beat a mismatched soviet!''

Takeo snaked his way though three hellhounds, that had cornered him near the teleporter, and took them all down with half a clip of his **AK-74FU2** ''I am like serpent, quick but deadly'' he said smiling.

Dempsey was firing his **H115 Oscillator** into two rotting dogs that were charging him, one took a bullet to the head and smashed to the stage floor, and the other jumped and landed on the marine and floored him, but took multiple bullets to its stomach. ''You just got put down puppy dog'' Dempsey said and laughed.

''Nein puppy! Stay avay!'' Richtofen cried as he leapt out of the way of a charging hellhound, which crashed into the podium with a yelp. Richtofen sprayed bullets into flesh hungry beast's body. It howled and slumped down dead ''haha ze doctor is victorious'' he laughed madly.

Nikolai saw a hellhound spawn in front of where the mystery box was located at the back of the stage. ''Goodbye hell bitch'' he said as he fired his **Mustang and Sally** at the undead dog. Before the animal could even move it was torn apart by the upgraded grenades.

As the smoke cleared a glowing green box of ammo appeared, and the fog lifted.

''Ammunition on the house'' Dempsey said rushing forward and grabbing the floating box. The four fighters felt their ammo belts refilling, as the demonic announcer said ''MAX AMMO!''

''Why am I so heavy now?'' Nikolai asked, feeling considerably weighty due to the healthy amount of bullets he had at his disposal.

''The spirits come to aid us'' Takeo said reloading his upgraded sniper rifle and SMG at lightning speed thanks to the effects of speed cola.

''More time to play vith my pretty ones'' Richtofen sang as he skipped over to where the other three men now stood.

''Right so here's the plan'' Dempsey said, as they heard wooden planks being ripped off windows by the next wave of zombies ''we search for the 115 the Doc was on about, put it into the teleporter, switch back, and kick ass along the way''

''Oh zhis is going to be so much fun'' Richtofen said merrily.

All four of them cocked their weapons and faced the zombies speeding towards them. Richtofen and Takeo fired into the crowd coming from the lobby and auditorium, covering the floor in blood and guts ''blood, sinew, gore, organs, pulmonary systems!'' Richtofen bellowed, with a mad glint in his green eyes.

''The un-honorable have been vanquished'' Takeo said firing his **AK-74FU2** into multiple zombie heads.

Nikolai jumped on to the podium, pulling out his **EPC WN**, and sent three round bursts into the zombies that were jumping out of both windows below the stage. He then noticed that debris was falling from the ceiling. He looked up and saw that there were holes around the roof, and that there were strange slimy creatures climbing through the holes and down the walls.

The creatures were greenish grey in skin tone. They had no eyes or any other physical features on their face apart from a large gaping mouth with shark like teeth. They wore only torn shorts or loin cloths. They were emitting a green toxic looking gas from their bodies.

''We got some new comers everyone'' Nikolai shouted pointing at the new ugly zombies.

''Shit creepy crawlers!'' Dempsey shouted as he fired his guns grenade launcher in the direction of the changing room, causing limbs to come flying onto the stage.

''Hmm these must be ze failed experiments that maxis mentioned'' Richtofen mused looking at the mutated creatures that were coming down the walls.

''They climb down walls like spider-man'' Takeo said observing how the creatures moved down the walls.

''Hey Tak, fourth wall breaks are my thing'' Dempsey said to the drunken bodied samurai.

''I'll take care of these ugly fuckers'' Nikolai said pulling his **Mustang and Sally** out. He fired the grenade launching pistols at the wall crawling zombies, causing them to be torn apart by the explosions, or blown of the walls and crash land into the destroyed auditorium below.

''These fucking guns are amazing!'' Nikolai shouted as he blew more of the 'failed experiments' off the walls.

''Nikolai look out!'' Dempsey shouted, spotting a group of zombies charging at the Asian bodied soviet. Dempsey unloaded a barrage of bullets into the flesh hungry corpses, killing them and saving Nikolai.

''Thank you Dempsey'' Nikolai said, whipping out his **EPC WN** and killing more zombies.

The new mutant zombies had now reached ground level and crawled on all fours to the zombie killing soldiers.

One crawled towards Dempsey and made a swipe at his leg. ''No you don't freak sack'' Dempsey said, blowing the slimy creatures head off. It clawed at the empty space where its head used to be and keeled over and curled up like a spider, seconds later it blew up releasing a toxic gas that choked the marine.

''Fuck me that smells'' Dempsey coughed nearly toppling over due to the stench.

Richtofen fired his **Afterburner** into the normal zombies that had surrounded the disorientated soldier ''careful American, zhey aren't like ordinary zombies, zhey are nova zombies'' Richtofen said ''vhen zhey die zhey unleash a less toxic form of nova gas vich von't kill you but vill paralyze you if you breath too deeply''

Dempsey coughed ''you could have told me that one minute ago Richtofen'' he moved away from the cloud of green gas that was now disappearing, and fired into more of the nova zombies, keeping his distance from them. Soon green clouds of nova gas filled the air around near the stage area and auditorium.

''We may want to move away from this poisonous place'' Takeo said now backing down the auditorium and away from the nova gas cloud. ''Ja zhis is getting intense'' Richtofen said coughing and following Takeo.

Dempsey and Nikolai followed suit, firing into the toxic gas, hearing the cries of zombies dying. As soon as Dempsey had run through the double doors that lead into the lobby Nikolai pulled a leaver that turned on the electricity trap at the bottom of the steps to the auditorium.

The heard and smelt flesh frying, looking back the saw zombies being destroyed by the electrical barrier as they tried to run though it.

All four of them knew that they couldn't linger in the lobby as zombies would soon be swarming the area. But as they made a move to go up the stairs, near quick revive, towards the portrait room, Dempsey heard a feint electrical pulse, but it wasn't coming from the trap it sounded closer and fainter.

''Hey guys wait a moment'' he said looking for the source of the pulsing.

''Dempsey we don't have time for this'' Nikolai said hurriedly.

Dempsey ignored him and continued his search, getting closer and closer to the noise.

''Vhat are you doing Ameri...'' Richtofen began but stopped when he saw what it was the marine had found.

**(Disclaimer! I don't own spider-man Marvel does :D) **


	7. Voices, Vodka and 115

**Authors note: Hello peoples of fanfiction :D first off I would like to say a SUPER big sorry for the massive wait. I've been rather preoccupied lately (college *rolls eyes*) also when I got near to the end lost a lot of work so I had to rewrite it all -_- and, as most of you probably know, it is very difficult to get inspired to rewrite things. However I managed to soldier through via multiple reasons: over 1400 views (AWESOME! :D), listening to the hidden songs in COD zombies ;) and playing COD zombies :p, also reading Max Brooks World War Z (fantastic book, I must say if you're a true zombie fan read it :D ;P). Anyway enough of this banter let me introduce you to CHAPTER 7! :D enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 7: Voices, Vodka and 115**

''Found another one'' Dempsey said as he held up another small rock with veins of orange running through it.

Richtofen laughed madly ''another piece of 115, maybe zhey stole zhis from Japan'' he said. Dempsey handed it to the Nazi in his body.

''Danke'' Richtofen said as he held up the alien looking rock ''now all ve need to do is to find one more piece of 115 zhen ve vill be able to switch back'' he continued laughing insanely.

''Great, the sooner I'm out your body Richtofen the better'' Dempsey said coolly to the Doctor.

''And I will be able to have vodka!'' Nikolai shouted.

''And I will be honorable again'' Takeo also chimed in.

''Ja ja ve vill all be able to get ze things ve vant as soon as ve get ze last piece'' Richtofen said rolling his eyes as they now walked through the door that lead into the portrait room.

Nikolai saw the bathroom he went to, not so long ago, and said to the others ''that is where I went to piss and I saw Takeo's small-...''

''NIKOLAI I SWEAR IF YOU MENTION THE WORD 'SMALL' ONE MORE TIME I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR VODKA AND GIVE IT TO THE ZOMBIES!'' Takeo bellowed, drunkenly, at the soviet in his body.

Nikolai was about to retaliate, but was interrupted by the groans of undead corpses heading their way from the lobby and the corridor that lead to the pictures on the wall.

''Zhis vay'' Richtofen said as he fired a red arrow, from his **Awful** **Lawton**, into the wall that had the chalk drawing of the **PM63**. The zombies flocked to the flashing arrow, unaware of the explosive outcome.

''Ha ha like lambs to ze slaughter'' Richtofen said grinning wickedly as he, and the other three zombie slayers, ran through the corridor into the square room with the portraits.

Richtofen skidded to a stop by a red leaver on the other side of the corridor, and as soon as Takeo (who was bringing up the rear) had run through, he pulled it down causing the electrical trap to activate and fry any zombies that were coming from the lobby. He turned and saw that the others were examining the pictures that hung on the wall.

When they had arrived in Kino Der Toten, and opened the way into the portrait room, they didn't have time to look at the pictures of themselves that hung on the wall due to the zombies chasing after them at the time, however now that they had a quick chance to breathe, before more zombies began to attack, they now looked at each of the pictures.

''Well they do say the screen adds on ten pounds'' Nikolai said awkwardly as he looked from the picture of his Russian self to his body.

''This is a picture of a great and honorable warrior'' Takeo said as he looked at his picture, he then looked at Nikolai in his body and said ''it is a pity that my honorable body is inhabited by a dishonorable Russian'' rolling his eyes as he went back to looking at his portrait.

''Oh look its me'' Richtofen said looking at his, larger picture, he then looked down at the body of Dempsey, which he was in ''however it's more magnificent than zhis stupid American body'' he continued looking in distaste at the body he was in.

''A tale of two Dempseys, starts slow but has a happy ending'' Dempsey said looking from the portrait of himself to his body, which was looking at the picture of Richtofen ''if only it was me in my body'' he continued.

_''Dempsey your such a big baby und your so ugly und stupid und I HATE YOU ha ha ha''_ Dempsey heard Richtofen say.

''Fuck you Richtofen'' Dempsey said turning round and glaring at the Nazi Doctor, who looked confused at the angry soldier's outburst.

''Vhat are you talking about Dempsey?'' Richtofen asked.

''You know damn well'' Dempsey growled ''I heard what you said to me''

''Vhat? I didn't say anything'' Richtofen said looking even more confused.

''Don't give me that crap'' Dempsey said stepping closer to his rival ''don't think I'll be afraid to punch my body again'' he said raising a fist.

_''Dempsey you should chill out and have vodka''_ he heard Nikolai say. Turning round look at the Russian and said ''no one needs your input Nikolai''

''I did not say anything Dempsey'' Nikolai said defensively.

''Yes you did you told me to chill out and drink some vodka'' Dempsey said looking confused himself now.

''No I didn't'' the soviet said shrugging ''but good advice'' he continued.

Dempsey turned back to Richtofen ''the hell is going-...''

_''I vish to kill you American YOU DESERVE DEATH!''_ Richtofen said.

What shocked Dempsey the most however was the fact that Richtofen didn't even move his lips.

He took a step back and pointed at Richtofen ''ok how did you do that?'' He asked.

''Do vhat!?'' The German shouted getting annoyed at the man in his body and the constant questioning.

''Talk without moving your lips'' Dempsey said a little unnerved.

''Dempsey are you really zhat stupid? I didn't say anything!'' Richtofen said looking livid.

_''Dishonorable American, you soooooooooooo silly te he''_ Dempsey then heard Takeo say.

''Te he?'' He questioned Takeo.

''What?'' Takeo asked.

''Since when did you go 'te he'?'' Dempsey asked again.

''I have never said anything like that'' Takeo objected.

Just as Dempsey was about to ask another question he heard all three of his companions shouting and mocking him. Clutching his head he looked at Richtofen and shouted ''what the fuck is going on?!''

Richtofen thought for a moment, then it suddenly clicked and a broad wicked grin spread across his face ''Hahahahaha Dempsey can hear ze voices ha ha oh zhis is too funny ha ha ha ha'' Richtofen laughed.

''What? You mean you can actually hear voices in your head? And now that I'm in you body I can hear them?'' Dempsey roared in anger ''no wonder you crazy as shit'' he pointed at Richtofen.

The Doctor shrugged and said ''I vondered vhy I vas not being tormented by those blasted voices, it appears zhat zhey are still in my body's head, how fascinating''

Dempsey had a look of horror on his face, before he heard a barrage of voices in his head saying _''stupid Dempsey, you suck, Richtofen is great, we want him back in this body not your ugly mind...'' _

''You all better shut the hell up or I'll come in that mind and make you!'' Dempsey shouted, and the voices fell silent ''that's what I thought'' the marine said, satisfied with his little victory over the voices.

Richtofen's, or rather Dempsey's body, mouth fell open as the German inside it was shocked that the American managed to make the voices in his body be silent _'zhat is not fair'_ he thought _'why do zhey obey ze American but not me'_ the mad doctor had a snarl on his face.

His thoughts however were interrupted by more zombies beginning to assault their position.

''Retreat!'' Nikolai shouted as he led the way down the stairs to the bar. As soon as they reached the bottom Dempsey turned and fired his grenade launcher into the crowd following them, sending blood, guts, limbs and other body parts all over the rotting stairs and bloodied walls ''URAH Tank Dempsey, kicking ass and making messes since 1945!'' He shouted in triumph as he turned towards the zombies that were now coming out of the window near the **Stakeout**. He fired another grenade at them, sending more gore everywhere, he whooped and looked down to where his allies were in the bar area.

Richtofen ran over to where speed cola was and grabbed a green bottle from the vending machine, he gulped it down quickly ''hmm I think ze active ingredient rots your mind'' he mused as he threw away the bottle ''oh vell I'm in Dempsey's body, it makes no difference to me ha ha ha'' he laughed as he quickly reloaded his **Afterburner**.

Nikolai ran over to the sentry gun turret and pulled the leaver to activate it. Immediately the turret began locking on to the zombies and sprayed bullets into them.

''A gun that fires on its own, amazing'' Nikolai said as he watched the gun shoot a nova zombie off the wall. He then began shooting his **EPC WN** into the zombies coming from the window next to the **MP40**.

CLICK!

''Shit out of ammo'' Nikolai shouted as he threw down his gun and brought out his **Mustang and Sally** and began firing upgraded grenades into the undead.

Takeo was hip-firing his **AK-74FU2** into the zombies that were coming from the changing room, cutting down a large hoard. He then pulled his **L115 Isolator** from his back aimed down the sights for a zombie's head and fired however the bullet missed and flew into the wall above the mystery box spawn.

''What? That should have been right on target'' Takeo said outraged as he aimed very carefully for another zombie and fired, the bullet went off course again hitting the post at the bottom of the stairs.

''This is impossible!'' Takeo now shouted. Nikolai fired his upgraded pistols at the hoard coming through the dressing room door ''Takeo are you going kill some zombies or just stand around like a dead fish all day?' He asked.

''Stupid Russian I was trying to kill them but my shots kept going wild!'' Takeo shouted, he then brought out his upgraded SMG, aimed down the sights at the zombies, and fired a whole clip into them. Only one bullet hit.

''WHAT?!'' Takeo shouted in complete surprise.

Nikolai realised what had happened and grinned wickedly at the shocked warrior. Takeo looked curiously at him ''what?'' He asked.

''You're sober'' Nikolai said, his evil grin growing wider.

''What? How does being sober make me bad at killing the unholy?'' Takeo said looking at Nikolai as if he was mad.

''Well to put it simply, for me being sober is like being drunk for you''

''That does not make any sense!'' Takeo snapped.

''It makes perfect sense, if you wish to shoot and kill better then you must become drunk'' Nikolai said smiling.

Takeo looked horrified ''I am not becoming intoxicated by that foul drink of yours Russian'' he said.

''It is drink or die, your choice'' Nikolai said shrugging.

Takeo thought for a moment and realised he had no choice ''alright'' he sighed. Nikolai slapped him on the back.

''That's the spirit'' the soviet said happily ''now speaking of spirits; fill my body up with some''

Takeo sighed and reluctantly pulled out a bottle of vodka from the bag that was on the back of the Russian body he was in. He unscrewed the cap and sniffed the contents ''ergh that smells awful'' he commented as his nostrils turned up against the liquid.

''Don't be such a baby'' Nikolai said rolling his eyes.

Takeo looked at the bottle in his hands and then to Nikolai, who promptly nodded. The samurai warrior never thought he would see his body nodding vigorously to promote vodka drinking. He sighed again, closed his eyes and lifted the bottle to his lips.

As the strong spirit pored into his mouth and down his throat he had to hold back a choke as the drink began to burn its way down into his stomach. He began feeling sick as he drank the entire bottle. Throwing the glass container down he wrapped his arms round his belly and coughed due to the strong taste of vodka in his mouth.

''Damn you alcoholic'' he spluttered at Nikolai who was laughing at his comrade's suffering.

''How can you drink so much of this in such sort space of time is beyond me'' Takeo slurred as he lent on the bar for support, as his legs nearly gave way.

''Easy, it is called getting used to it'' Nikolai said patting his comrade on the back.

''Shit, did Tak just do what I think he did?'' Dempsey asked, grinning, as he jumped down from the balcony and landed next to speed cola.

''Da for first time our honorable Japanese samurai has had drink''

Takeo held a hand over his mouth as he wretched, his head began spinning, as did the room.

''Why am I seeing two of me?'' Takeo drawled as he looked at his body. He then saw that the blood stains on the walls seemed to be moving and growing smaller and larger, and speed cola looked as if it was warping in to all sorts of shapes. He then curtly turned round and threw up over the bar.

''Ha ha he is drunk!'' Nikolai said laughing loudly. He slapped Takeo on the back, who in turn belched loudly.

The drunken soldier span round and grab Nikolai by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him close ''as soon as I'm back in my body, you are a dead man!'' He said loudly.

He then took out the sniper rifle from his back and looked at the zombies coming down into the bar from the stairs. He aimed down the scope and fired. The bullet tore through four zombie heads which caused them to pop.

He glared at Nikolai, who smiled back. He then brought out his upgraded **AK-74U** aimed down the red dot sight and took out a horde of zombies with upgraded bullets.

CLICK!

''Argh can my luck get any worse?!'' Takeo said outraged as he threw down his now empty sub machine gun.

''I'm empty too!'' Dempsey shouted and threw down his **Skullcrusher**, and brought out his **H115 Oscillator**.

''Ve need to move'' Richtofen advised, leading the way into the changing room.

''One moment, just gotta get me a drink'' Dempsey said and ran over to speed cola. He kicked the green machine and picked up the bottle that fell out.

''Yeah that hits the spot'' he said grinning as he threw the bottle away he then ran after the others.

As he ran through the door into the changing room he span round and sent a barrage of bullets, from his LMG, into the hoard coming after him ''DEEEEEMPSEEEEY!'' He cheered, he then turned and saw that there was chaos in the changing room.

Takeo was sniping zombies coming through the window next to the mystery box spawn, while Nikolai was shooting the zombies that were coming out of the other window, however he was standing just outside the blast radius of his **Mustang and Sally**.

''Kaaaaa boooooooom!'' He shouted as zombie body parts spattered across the walls, floor and ceiling.

Dempsey could hear Richtofen's mad laughter coming from the door that lead out into the stage area, he also heard the sound of the **Afterburner** being fired as well.

_'Mad kraut'_ he thought as he reloaded his LMG and turned to where Takeo was.

''Yo Tak go to the corner of the room by that red lever and snipe any zombies coming from either the stage or the bar'' he ordered.

Takeo nodded and went to the corner of the room by the red lever. Dempsey then looked at Nikolai and said ''Nikolai you...you just do what you do best and blow shit up'' he watched as the Russian threw a frag into the window he was at.

As he heard the boom of the grenade, and turned to see a bullet from Takeo's sniper rifle whizzing past him. He span round and saw the headless corps, of the zombie that was about to bite into him, fall down dead.

''Cheers'' he said to Takeo. He then went round the corner to where Richtofen was cutting down undead Nazis like no tomorrow.

''Yo Doc get away from there!'' He ordered.

''Vhy? I'm having so much fun'' Richtofen said, turning round and seeing that Dempsey had a hand on the red lever that activated the electrical trap ''oh I see'' said smiling and skipped over to the hole in the roof of the dressing room and began killing any zombies that were jumping through it.

Dempsey pulled down the leaver and the trap activated. The zombies coming from the stage were killed instantly.

''Nazi fire your crossbow into the stage'' he said.

Richtofen looked round and saw the American's plan ''oooh you vish to lure ze zombies in here to run through ze trap''

''Yeah so get to it'' Dempsey said impatiently.

Richtofen loaded an explosive arrow into his upgraded crossbow and fired it through the electrical barrier and into the stage area. All the zombies in the dressing room stupidly ran after it, only to be killed by the trap.

Dempsey, who was standing next to Takeo, was firing into a group of zombies that were climbing out of the window in front of the mystery box spawn. As the zombies fell down dead a floating, green glowing, power up appeared. It was in the shape of an atomic bomb.

Dempsey's eyes widened ''NUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!'' He shouted as Takeo ran towards the power up. The Japanese minded soldier dived just before the zombies were about to cut him off from the glowing item.

''KA-BOOM'' Samantha's disembodied voice hissed.

All the zombies in the vicinity of Kino Der Toten fell down dead, their heads exploding and their bodies igniting in flames.

''BOOM FUCKING RAH, maggot addicts'' Dempsey cheered in victory.

''I would drink to the nuclear bomb if I had vodka'' Nikolai said.

''Let the light of a thousand suns purify your souls'' Takeo said standing up.

''Oh, tons of soooooooorrrrrooooooooooow'' Richtofen sang.

''Right I think it's best we get outta here'' Dempsey advised as the electrical trap shut down. The sound of approaching zombies told them that the decision was wise. They all ran towards the stage area.

But as Nikolai ran past the chalk drawing of the **MP5K** he heard an electrical pulse. Stopping he turned round and went to have a look behind the drawing. His eyes widened as he saw a small rock laying on top of an ash tray.

_'Hmm is this important?' _Nikolai thought _'eh probably not'_ he shrugged and turned round and ran out onto the stage where he saw Dempsey opening the mystery box there.

As the weapons inside the box rolled Dempsey kept saying ''don't be shit, don't be shit, don't be shit...'' The guns slowed down and stopped on a large cannon like gun, it didn't look like it fired bullets.

''Check out those cool lights and buttons'' Dempsey said as he grabbed the colossal gun, if you can even call it a gun, from the mystery box.

''So zhis is vhat Maxis vas keeping secret from me'' Richtofen mused as he looked at the cannon like gun ''vell zhen, Dempsey may I introduce you to ze **THUNDERGUN**''

''Sweetness!'' Dempsey said grinning as he held his new weapon, keen to use it.

Nikolai rolled for a gun next and landed an **RPK** ''better than a hammer and sickle'' he said smiling as he picked up the LMG.

Takeo Span for a gun after Nikolai, and the guns slowed to a stop on the **RAY GUN** ''this gun fires pure honor'' he said smiling as he took the toy looking gun from the box.

Richtofen gambled next. As the eerie jingle slowed to a stop the weapons in the box slowed to stop on the Monkey bomb.

''The amazing monkey of POWER!'' The mad scientist said gleefully taking the explosive stuffed toy from the magical box.

''Just keep that evil monkey away from me Richtofen you know I hate it'' Nikolai said looking warily at the red eyed Monkey.

Richtofen span the box again and scored a **G11** assault rifle, he swapped his **Awful Lawton** for it.

Nikolai decided to have another gamble, however his want for another weapon only landed him a teddy bear.

''Fuck, in Russia I kill bears ten times your size with my bare hands!'' Nikolai yelled in outrage as Samantha's evil giggle sounded across the theatre.

''HA HA HA, BYE BYE'' she screamed as the box teleported to another location.

The four of them turned to look out at the rotting auditorium, and the large hoard of zombies charging towards them

''Is it just me, or am I seeing double'' Takeo slurred as his eyes widened.

''Dempsey, I think it vise you use ze **THUNDERGUN** now'' Richtofen said.

Dempsey smiled, ran forward, jumped of the stage and faced the oncoming multitude. He smiled as he raising his new weapon and pulled the trigger. A huge blast of pressurised air was fired at the zombies causing them to be either blown to pieces or flung aside and blown into the surrounding area like rag dolls.

''Whoa it...it just blew em all over the place...wow'' Dempsey said amazed.

''Ja now keep me covered for a second'' Richtofen said as he ran over to the teleporter. He unscrewed another power generator and placed the piece of 115 that Dempsey had found, into it. The generator lit up, like the first one as the doctor screwed it back up.

''Joy, just one more piece of 115 to find and then we will be able to switch back'' Richtofen said cheerfully ''I think ve should begin searching ze lower hall und ze ally vay for ze last piece.''

They began making a move for the lower hall when Nikolai was suddenly reminded of the small rock he saw in the changing room, he then thought about their objective _'we are searching for space rocks to power the teleporty machine'_ his eyes widened as he remembered what the rocks, Richtofen and Dempsey had found, looked like _'they look just like that rock in the changing ro...' _

''Oh shit!'' He shouted, startling the others, ''I've just remembered!'' He shouted again as he ran back up into the auditorium, killing zombies that got in his way.

The others just stood there dumbfounded at the Soviet's actions, they quickly snapped out of it however to deal with the approaching zombies.

''Pew pew, pew pew, ha ha ha'' Takeo laughed as he fired the **RAY GUN**, sending green spheres into the undead.

It was at that moment however when they heard a guitar playing in the back ground, followed closely by drums, as Nikolai came running back onto the stage holding up in the air, third piece of 115.

''I found the last piece, what do I win?'' He smiled as he jogged down the stairs. Richtofen's mouth hit the floor.

''Nikolai vhere did you get zhat?'' He asked as the Russian walked over to him.

''It was in the dressing room'' Nikolai said handing it to the German.

''How did you know it vas zhere?'' Richtofen asked as he took the rock from Nikolai.

''What does it matter, we can switch back now'' Dempsey said smiling.

''Ja now ve have to fight our vay to ze teleporter'' Richtofen said as Elena Siegman began to sing.

_'No one can see me, and I've lost all feeling and I know I won't die alone...I'LL STOP YOU FROM BREATHING AND ALL YOUR DECEIVING AND THIS HOUSE IS NOT MY HOOOOOOME!'_

''Ah, Elena and Kevin you always pull through for us'' Dempsey said smiling ''I would sure like to meet Elena, she sounds hot'' he continued a pervey grin spreading on his face.

''Dempsey ve have more important matters at hand!'' Richtofen shouted at him.

_'I HAVE RETURNED!'_

Dempsey smirked and ran in front of the other three and fired another blast of air into the crowd of zombies, causing them to sail through the air and smash into the walls, clearing the auditorium a little ''Fly meatsacks fly!'' He cheered.

_'Everyone dies and everyone lies they're waiting for the second coming again'_

Nikolai pushed past Dempsey and cut down hoards of the undead with his **RPK** cutting a path further forward towards the teleporter ''I just killed a thousand zombies, why is no one helping?'' He chuckled.

_'Everyone tries to hold on to their lives when no one's alive'_

Takeo fired green radioactive balls at groups of zombies, taking down many at a time as they advanced up the aisle ''you will not touch me, tormented soul'' he said as he killed a zombie that got too close.

_'BRING ME 115!'_

Richtofen rained upgraded bullets on his creations, littering the floor with chunks of body parts ''yes...ja ja...DIE!'' He shouted with a maniacal grin on his face. He brought out his **G11** scored ''Ratatatatatatatatatratatatat OOOOOOHOOOHOOOO!'' he cried, practically having an orgasm, as he scored multiple head shots through the low-power scope.

They managed to carve their way to the teleporter, it was tough going however due the relentless waves of zombies attacking them.

''Cover me'' Richtofen ordered as he ran over to the machine. Dempsey fired the **THUNDERGUN** again sending corpses sailing through the air ''you guys should join the air force, your natural flyers ha ha'' Dempsey laughed.

_'NO! More forgiveness NO! I'll bring you death and pestilence, I'll bring you down on my own'_

Nikolai shot his way to the sentry gun turret on top of the podium. He pulled the leaver down and immediately the gun sprang into action, tearing bullets through zombie flesh.

Takeo was taking out groups of three to five zombies, by firing at their feet, the splash attack ripping through the zombies, leaving just a smouldering mess behind. As he blasted another small group a green power up appeared in the shape of a hammer.

Nikolai hopped off the stage and grabbed the green item.

''CARPENTER!'' Samantha screamed.

''I used to be a carpenter before all this'' Nikolai thinking back to old memories, while the boards began to rebuild themselves on the windows.

_'I've lost all form and unity, where has my life all gone, I'll bring you doom that you can see and bring you down to see you bleed'_

''It's ready!'' Richtofen shouted, while the machine he was standing in powered up.

_'Everyone dies and everyone lies their waiting for the second coming again'_

Nikolai rolled a grenade down the aisle, causing legs to fly everywhere, while Dempsey blasted more zombies away with another jet of air.

_'Every one tries to hold onto their lives when no ones alive BRING ME 115!'_

''Oh shit...'' Dempsey said, eyes widening at an incredible amount of zombie running at the four of them, intent on eating human flesh ''Richtofen we could use some help over here!'' The marine bellowed, blasting a couple more hoards into the air.

_'Everything dies, look to the skies to see the end of all creation again'_

Richtofen turned and saw the vast army of the dead attacking them ''Scheiβe'' he said under his breath, he pulled out a Monkey bomb and wound it up ''why do they love you so much monkey?'' He asked the red eyed chimp.

''Doc stop screwing Monkey, I don't think it needs that kinda trauma'' Dempsey said smirking.

_'See with your eyes my army of flies, when no ones alive BRING ME 115!'_

The doctor gave Dempsey an annoyed look and threw the stuffed toy towards the centre of the aisle. As soon as it landed it started spinning round, clanging its cymbals, and playing its cheery song. The zombies ran to crowd around the musical monkey.

''Quickly get into ze teleporter'' Richtofen shouted to the other three.

''Don't need to tell me twice'' Nikolai said running over to the machine. Dempsey and Takeo followed quickly after.

_'Nobody cries when everyone dies and no one's alive BRING ME 115!'_

As the song ended Richtofen hit the button on the teleporter and the four of them disappeared as the Monkey bomb said ''bye bye''.

The four of them reappeared in the pack-a-punch room. Dempsey turned and threw the **THUNDERGUN **in the pack-a-punch machine and upgraded it to the **ZEUS CANNON**, Takeo also pack-a-punched his **RAY GUN** to the **PORTERS X2 RAY GUN**.

They both turned and joined the other two, who were throwing grenades out of the room into the auditorium.

''They have no legs, but still move...interesting'' Richtofen mused as he saw a couple of crawlers hissing at them, he then burst out laughing.

The signs of teleportation began to surround them again. Looking down Dempsey said ''let's hope this works''

''Da I would like to be back in my own body'' Nikolai said just as they disappeared from the room.

Instead of going to the random rooms however the four soldiers landed on top of each other in a huddle on the teleporter pad in the lobby.

Dempsey opened his eyes, his head spinning and immediately a strong alcoholic taste hit him, he looked at his hands and saw a pair of gloves that belonged to a certain Russian. His eyes widened as he knew straight away that he was in Nikolai's body.

''Grrrrrrrr RICHTOFEEEEEEEEEN!'' He shouted as he heard the crazed German's insane laughter.

**The End**

**Authors end note: WHOOOOHOOOO final finished my first multi-chapter fanfic :D hope you guys enjoyed it. Please review as I would love to hear/read what you guys think (also it would make me very happy :D) please keep an eye out for future fics that I plan to write :p also make recommendations to peeps you may know if you like this fic :D. May I recommend **Zombiegirl777 **(**Those Who Slay Together, Stay Together) **and **Dylan13 **(**You can run but you can't hide**) as they are both really awesome Authors and fics :D. I'm open to any fic suggestions so please inbox me or review as I would like to have some ideas from you guys :D because you are my inspiration as well :D anyway until I fic again have fun and enjoy :D **


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